Y’all know me as an Uptown dude, aura of urban cool demeanor, polished swag, but this package of smexiness hails from Lambwe Valley, far West Kenya next to Lake Victoria at an elevation of 1,107 metres Above Sea Level, Yeah that’s how low it is.. Yet it has so many hills paradoxically, Very conspicuous hills to be precise that I would deem it advisable for the HILLS HAVE EYES MOVIE SET TO SHOOT AN EPISODE THERE.

I wasn’t born here but my parents were, though I would have among the best selling biographies if I was brought up here, mirroring facts: I had a close to ethereal experience here, I don’t know if its good ethereal or bad ethereal because I was like a tourist in my fatherland finding fascination with close to everything in that place, or maybe it is because of my Sixth sense of art of seeing Aesthetic aspects and abundance among hostilities. I bet you will think of this as sheer masochism after reading the phenomenon of my roots. Swag aside, we trod with my family for a weekend to Lambwe where majority of my immediate kin; my grandma’s, nephews and uncles reside.

The place is an inhabited area but so natural as if human activities have not affected it, We met a completely different way of life with the people, I wouldn’t call it backwards but it was somewhat Two Centuries back. Well this primitive area has the best hospitality ever, Saying Five Star room service is an understatement, Yeah you heard right, this indigenous traditional place with aboriginal people beat Hilton & Fly Emirates ten nil. Probably hyperbolic but we were welcomed like Kings and served culinary standard clean food. What is clean eating anyway, They get most of their stuff local, and all their produce is organic, They don’t have any of that added crap.

I forked at my fish startled that it tasted fresh and light without a shock of sweetness. The lacking slap of curry and Masala meant the veggies and fish soup flavor came out strong. I had a very large ugali lunch yet I wasn’t overstuffed, in fact I didn’t feel sick or bloated or hungry or unsatisfied or euphoric on a food high, I just felt normal. I noted an outstanding phenomenon, the women and girls here had signature killer curves… Voluptuousness of round breasts and extremely huge round buttocks. I’d say the cuisine does wonders.

It is like customary to greet everyone you meet, I was beyond stupefied by the large number of people who knew us… & their constant reminder of knowing my father The Late DR. BENARD OPANY ONGUS, well the second graduate from the area so excuse their goodwill towards us. Averagely, one man from the area would sire children as many as Kenya, .. So try to imagine the number of handshakes I had..

Walking on the place was an adventure to me but I bet it would be hell for some other people with less adaptive trait. Well we were literally walking on sticky grounds considering the clay terrain which rises like dough when it rains and crumbles like digestive biscuit under your shoes when dry, The place has an awesome number of snakes and Monitor lizards, {Stomach flops}…

The plant are well adapted to the area, Thorny shrubs and wild fruits on rocky hills. Speaking of wild fruits, well there are the mouthwatering OCHUOGAS, You need to add tasting them to your bucket list..

Well this is a typical upcountry, or maybe the most extreme up countries you will ever hear of. It even smells like upcountry


, The cow dung, scenty herb bushes, the clay all infuse to produce an aroma, I told you am kinda masochistic.

I couldn’t fathom my awe when I saw a Luo Clansman, Tribal Elder, They do exist in my fatherland.
I don’t know what I was feeling but it was something between anticipation, nervousness, fear and being mesmerized when I was informed of presence of Night runners and Witch doctors. The Night runners ran naked and had tendencies of irritatingly getting on one’s nerves… While you could die young due to a spell cast on you by a jealous witch, sounds HARRY POTTER FICTITIOUS BUT ITS TRUE.. Not a figment of my imagination.

I am like allergic to the area or its air because it gave me boils, makes sense because there were a number of mini eruptions/ micro hot mud volcanoes whereby hot mud erupts from the earth’s interior forming small raised lands emitting steam.. Probably poisoning the air.

Just a heads up for anyone planning on visiting this place, the heat is on the borderline of unbearable. There is dark clay which absorbs heat and retains it then radiates it back up, the sun up is scorchingly hot, Its a lowland remember, so a hundred metres of walking you will need rehydration because you will be drenching in sweat. Only boots can tread this grounds.

This is where you gang up on me with comments.. A penny for your thoughts.

Kinging With Opeezy +254702161160


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