Apparently I Am a Saint who knows 100 girls, but 37 of them happen to be phony. I was raised by a feistily authentic Mama, so you can’t blame me for having the ability to smell poop from a mile away. #Bitch 1- 37 all took a dump in my contact list and left it smelling like human guano. I am taking you through a diabolical journey of satire. If you can relate, you are Welcome!
Bitch 16 went M.I.A, stopped posting pics on IG and started putting those corny inspirational Whatsapp statuses; Then I thought there had to be a million dollar question behind the silence.. Like she is saved or something,… Naah she ain’t met Jesus, she is pregnant, surprisingly not by me. She and her squad once called me a prude coz I refused to fuck her, I didn’t have a condom… Jokes’ on you bitch, you were too horny for your own good.
Contraception is free in Kenya girl, condom fatigue is a guy’s call stamped by a woman. Seems like bitch 16 was sleeping around and not condomizing.. She probably ghat herpes. I used to regret not fucking her but now I don’t… Damn, her lingerie was good though. Pretty Pathetic.
Bitch 5 is a dude named Brandon who got his ass dumped recently.. Now he is getting soppy in WhatsApp statuses, airing fuckboy vulnerability linen in public while there is unlimited booty out there. Brandon, shooting subliminals makes you look like the pussy that dumped you. From my perspective I think you are mopping coz you still wanna go back keep your face in her puss.
Don’t be a wuss like Brandon-Bitch5. He is a pansy loser.
Girl 9 ain’t a bitch, she friendzoned me. Rejection is a bitch am telling you, especially if it comes from someone as hot as girl 9-Fania. Don’t laugh at me, I have a fragile ego,.. Each time I was with her, I had a condom in my pocket, but she locked the body language and forced me into that small box of friendzone not knowing am claustrophobic. Don’t be like Girl 9, she is bad.
There is no such thing as a slut, people like to fuck, Get over it. But there is a girl called Tina- Bitch 7, the main reason I wrote this article actually. Tina best friend boyfriend fucking her cousin, her cousin she think her baby by Tina boyfriend, Its confusing as hell.. Some sort of cacophony of fucking whereby Tina got nailed by all my homies. She is making me related to my friends, soon the whole hood is going to be related Like an African tribe, misplacement situated.
Am eating popcorn and I can’t wait to get to the end of the movie where all pathetic people die.